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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

A Simple Task - The Grocery Store!!!! HA

Emerson is 4 wks old and I decided to tackle the grocery store with her by myself today. . . . ha ha ha. How can one simple, normal task suddenly seem daunting and so scary?

So after getting up this morning and feeding Emerson, burping her, changing her twice because she spit up and pooped almost simultaneously while sneezing!??!@?@? Then putting her in her bouncy chair (my savior!!) I took a quick shower and changed then had to change again because Emerson projectile vomited all over me and my sofa . . . . then I had to get our dog, Lucy Sue, ready for me leaving - this consists of stuffing a plastic toy full of chicken or cheese, closing all the bedroom doors, and making sure she has food and water. Seriously I got up at 8:35am and by the time we left for the grocery store it was 12:38pm . . . the grocery store !!!! you would think I were Gwyneth Paltrow getting ready for a red carpet event by the amount of time it took to get ready . . . although I was sorely missing the glamorous gown, the sparkling champagne and the glowy radiance . . . . I had leaky breasts, throw-up on my shoulder and no make-up!!! Lovely.

So off we go . . . the store is about 2 miles from the house - all this preparation for something so close that I used to be able to just run up and grab milk or cheese and be back in 5minutes . . . well those days are over.

I get to the store only to discover I have NO IDEA how and what to do with Emerson, the car seat and the shopping cart! At first I was so intimidated and embarrassed that I didn't know how to take my baby in the store that I opted for the Snap'n'Go stroller - I would just pop the carseat on the stroller base and cut my shopping list down to whatever I could fit in a shopping basket! Forget the big fantasizes of a refrigerator stocked of goodies, I would settle for a basket of diapers, panty liners (oh yes!!) and milk! And Emerson was SLEEPING (YEAH!!!) so I wanted to do all this in like 10 minutes max!

Well turns out Ralphs have some great employees, a cart man saw me having trouble and came over and assisted me. He showed me how and helped me put the carseat on the cart and off I went - by the way I am petite (5'1") and I have no idea how I will get the carseat up there next time I go but "se la vie!"

It is funny how fast I whirled thru the store so anxious that Emerson would erupt into her inconsolable newborn cries that only a boob will console. Before Emerson I was an independent, confident, adventurous and sassy woman . . . now I feel like an alien in my own world. Driving my car felt foreign, walking my dog felt as if I had never done it before . . . . it really all changed so drastically for me in the blink of a c-section scar!!! But I will talk more about these feelings in my future posts because I have tons to share about being an emotional wreck after leaving the hospital with Emerson, that I think every pregnant or new mum needs to hear in order to relate and feel as though she is not alone. So please keep checking in.

Monday, April 6, 2009

What have we done?

This was my resounding mantra in the weeks leading up to the birth of our first baby; a beautiful baby girl who arrived at 7:57am on March 5th 2009 - Emerson Poppy.

Let me tell you a little about me and why I started writing this blog. I am 31 years old and have ALWAYS wanted a family and have ALWAYS loved babies. My husband and I got married in 2001 in the South of France in the most intimate beautiful wedding ever. We spent the next years traveling to Tuscany, Tortola, Turks & Caicos, and all over the USA. We bought our first condo in Santa Monica and we opened two private practices for my husband (he is a physical therapist.) We spent our weekends scouting out new great restaurants, having cheese and wine Sunday nights, riding our bikes to the beach and just completely loving life and enjoying each other.

In 2007 we decided that we were getting to the age that we should start thinking about a family; we did not want to be 50yrs old and have a newborn and we wanted more than one child (HA!! we had noooo idea) so we thought we should get trying . . . . . . . wow, if I could go back to that version of me and give her a few snip-its of what it would be like!

Well it took us 8 months to get pregnant and the horrible thing about that is that you dont know if you can until you try but once you try and you get pregnant you can't go back and say "Ok, timeout honey, we can get pregnant so let's just wait another 2yrs and do some other things we want to first" . . . . no!!! once you are, you ARE!! . . . . I got pregnant June 2008 and as fast as I found out, was as fast as I freaked out and thought "WHAT HAVE WE DONE?"

Hence the reason for my blog - there were so MANY things during my pregnancy that were happening to me that was not really explained in any books I was reading. I wanted to relate to someone and know that everything I felt and did not feel was normal. And now after my c-section and the arrival of Emerson I REALLY need to relate to others that are going thru the same thing! Some days I feel so incredibly lost and vulnerable and other days I feel "slightly" better . . . . nothing I read allows me to feel okay about my feelings or in some cases, lack of. I desperately need to feel like I am not a bad person, or worse a bad mother, for having this emotional rollercoaster thru motherhood.

So I am using this blog as a self-help diary as I go through this unknown, mysterious, sleeplessness and sometimes scary journey of "motherhood" - whatever that means? Join me and we can cry and laugh and feel bewildered together!

I PROMISE this will be entertaining.